Flooded...

Almost 3 months now. Will it go beyond that? What happened? What's happening to us? What's happening to me? Why does it always have to boil down to one thing? Lead to another... What am I doing here? Why do you always take things in a negative way? Why can't I be happy with what I do? Why can't I earn money to fund the things I want to do. Why do we work? Why do we live? Why do you have to read this? Where will I go next? Where will I find you? Where can I rest? How am I supposed to finish this? How will I live?

Yet another blog. I hope you feel that. Feel the deep, dark silence of pain. Feel the emotions flowing through every inch of your body. How dare you? What have you done? Which part of loving have I gone wrong? Why do I have to suffer for the things that I've never done before? Where will I find the answers to all the questions I'm asking? Me? As always... it has to be me. Why? Because there's no one else to blame, no one else to look into and say "It's your fault." Blame, the pungent smell of blame, the bitter tase of blame, the eye sore of a color called blame. We live to blame, we live to save our asses from being the one at fault. We admit things but we make sure hat the other party will feel guilty for what you said. Thus, clearing you from all the faults.

"Sorry", the endless word that keeps promises broken. The word that acts like a duct tape, patches all the pieces, until the adhesive expires and peals off of the pieces. "I will never do it again." words that seem so promising, but yet, full of lies. Sickening... just makes me want to splurge all of my stomach contents. I haven't eaten yet, so what ever is in my stomach will do. Gastric juices, blood, etc.

Promises that are said and yet to be discovered as lies. I hate being lied to. I hate to lie. I hate to live in a sea of lies. It's as if everything is falling apart, but to your discovery, it's just a state of mind. It's not the reality of things. Trying to admit that you're wrong even if you want to blame someone else for your faults... Reverse psychology... mastered it, and is sick of it. I know how it works, and it works well... and it sickens me...

I'm sick of this life... I'm sick of being here... I'm sick of it...